Today is as much like any day as any other....but somehow, it feels tinged, slightly off colour. Another walk along the coast? Another trip to the shops? Another breif encounter with someone i'm sure i know from somewhere.i'm sure at some point i've sat and talked with them as if they were somehow connected. It was probably at a club, or a party, or round another of these strange, seeminly vacuous entities living quarters. It's always been this way. Alone in a crowd. But never satisfied with the company of others. "Where did it all go right?", i ask myself. I am not forever on this pumped up, steroid injected video game theme park ride... 

It is a weird thing indeed. The chat that get those seemingly cool folk further into their friendships, seems to make me less trustworthy to others. With an uncanny knack of alienation, i can sweep vast tracts of possiblilty aside, without any knowledge, or awareness of what i'm actually doing...Is it my age? Is it my politics? Lord knows i've been... Read more this slacker artist muso mess for so long the plastic suit has now melted onto my ageing frame smoother than Jackos hair to his scalp in that now, once hilarious grotesque pepsi commercial of an MTV video. 

And then it hits me. The realisation that everyone is the same. But that the only way to combat the fear of loneliness, the fear of being rejected, is to surround themselves with others with the same fear, the same inability to cope with their own minds, thoughts & feelings. The Group Expression, The Clique, The stifling of individual expression in... Read more exchange for what? The next version of 'cool' masks the inevitabilty that the majority will end up 'nobodies' in this sick talent show world...The fear of this is an irony, because fame is, like the need for approval by others in the cool clique, an illusion. None of us leave this planet ALIVE motherfuckers! SHAMONE! 

But another strange day will pass. Some will get drunk, clinging to their bottles & cans like their is no tomorrow. What if they are right? The world is an addict and it needs a fix. Move along, nothing to see, hear...The system is a pedophile fucking the kids, maaan! Hold on...keep your arms and hands inside the ride at all times or you might die... Read more...Hold on...for that photo at the end of the ride...catching you at your worst...but you posed instead...and now you can't remember what you looked like at that age, terrified. You looked the same as you do now, terrified. 

But this time, we are caught in an endless present. The NOW! The lights are bright colourful, intoxicating. The sounds are gifts given by fleeting moments of extacy. The wolf howls at an unforgiving moon. Did I try too hard. Is this my crime? The bells ring, the buzzer buzzeth away begging to be answered...and the light shimmers, disspating from the distractions of laptop & TV...am i in control? am i behaving myself...? 

Is it true that I have been 'treated' badly? I've had 'the treatment' before...i've felt lost, isolated, but it's a propane catalyst...a spark that lights the fuel in my engine room...i have become addicted to it...the treatment...the blues, the soul-less pray in the church of nothing...i have my delusions, my art...my therapy. I pray to you to keep me safe. You kindly oblige by acting out a series of intimidations. I fear you are useless, but it's not enough.